Chinglish – Random T-shirts Edition part 2

 

My last Chinglish on T-shirts went over surprisingly well. Didn’t expect that. On Facebook nobody seemed to care and I retired that album. Glad to know WordPress bloggers have more taste.

Here are some further shirts from my archives. If the market demands so, I will awkwardly take more pictures of people I see outside with their weird nonsensical English shirts. There are the ones seen for sale as well, but to truly challenge myself as a photographer I should be bothering people on the street shouldn’t I?

Ado:

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Punk as fuck right!

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For Women Only. Do wish I knew what it said behind the hair, it’s a mystery

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Shiny and lovely rerson’s girl, every girl wants to feel like that sometimes ❤

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Chinglish – Random T-shirts Edition

Due to moderate demand, this weekend’s edition will focus on the random T-shirts with nonsensical English which Chinese people tend to wear. In fact, this is a broader Asian phenomenon but I’m in China so it’s Chinglish.

I likened it to bad kanji tattoos Westerners get, but at least it isn’t permanent.

Some of the best I haven’t been able to photograph. I used to have a neighbor who had a shirt she’d often wear that spelled out DYKE in big bold letters; I could be wrong but she didn’t seem the type. There was the 6-year-old whose shirt said I LIKE SEX. And so on.

Some of these pictures are awkward because I had to ask the wearer randomly in the street if I could photograph them.

These may not be as good as the mistranslated signs, but without further ado I hope you get a few laughs here:

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I think this is one of those ironic novelty shirts from Khao Sarn road in Thailand or somewhere like that. I don’t think the wearer knows what Ecstasy is meant here, but ya never know. Use responsibly. 

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More drugs, it’s a way of life for freedom right

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Cheerio! Get it? I totally get it, guvnah’, if only this ping pong player got it

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Monster, what a little monster

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DATING IN CHINA – MY GUANGZHOU YEAR

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Canton Tower
I was there, man

 

 

Previously: DATING IN CHINA – MEGAPOST 1
Covering the years 2008 – 2011

And now, 2011 to early 2012:

 

My Guangzhou Year 1
An intro to the new status quo, as I pack up move to the ancient land of Canton/the modern megacity of Guangzhou

Dating GZ Edition – Kendra
First story, I meet a crazed American abroad and adventured therein
Public nudity and disrespect, among other themes

Dating – China to Thailand to Cambodia
I travel, I bring a certain Cynthia, I make mistakes
But hey, that’s life and at least I got to see a new place

Dating – visitors and friends, others
Some characters from previous entries reappear, old friends reunite, a funny story happened one day
This time it’s not just about me

Rejected in Guangzhou
The stories everyone seems to want to know. Rejected!
Featuring Josephine, Seline, and more

The End – my humble successes
On a final positive note, sometimes life works out rather fine
It was a good year, I experienced a lot
I really shouldn’t complain

Stayin’ upbeat

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DATING IN CHINA – MEGAPOST 1

And now for your reading enjoyment. In case you missed it before. Allow me to lay it all out.

Megapost of my personal dating memoirs, covering the time span of August, 2008 to February, 2011

Links, from the beginning:

Prologue: How I came to China

Part 1: Burning Man
I go to a big trippy festival

Part 2: Doing LSD at Burning Man
I expand my mind and receive an invite abroad

Introductions

Intro to Dating in China
First things first, let me explain how this thing will work

I arrive in China
The story officially begins, I get here

Girls

Mona
My first China-based girlfriend, and how that didn’t work out

Julia
The next level… Sigh, was it love?

Mary
A summer romance, a brief flight, all too innocent

Annie – Sky – Lulu – more
Singlehood, bachelor life, the learning process, playing the field…

Zoey

The Beginning
Long-term relationship begins, a defining point in my life

An American intermission
You can’t go ‘home’, and I try and I fail and I drift

The End
Finally, and sadly, nothing lasts forever

 

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Book Review: The Tibetan Affair

tibetan affair book cover

http://www.amazon.com/The-Tibetan-Affair-Three-stories-ebook/dp/B00JTI91WM

The Tibetan Affair by Wang Xiao Hui is a novella which also includes two short stories. An interesting look into the world of Chinese journalists and the conflicts in Tibet, the main novella offers a readers an opportunity a window to observe this little-known scene.

The introduction comes slowly at first, opening with the personal lives and drama of the Beijing TV crew before they head to Tibet. There are interesting anecdotes along the way, such as the issue of altitude sicknesses and various vices.

Mainly the story centers around Mickey, who is bored of his wife and loves a younger coworker. Trouble comes when they do get to Tibet, from rocks thrown at trains to sexual tension in the hotel room.

Largely a critique of both the reactionary Chinese government and the hypocritical, submissive media, the journalists interview the police who expound on their obviously ridiculous views about foreigners the CIA and the Dalai Lama… Then conversations start to get more cynical, with takes on selling out your own country. The truth comes out and there is a bit of real journalism, but in a certain self-serving way.

But that’s just a backdrop to the romantic plot, which is the meat of the story. The sex scenes are quite steamy. Dreams are a constant theme as well; sexual dreams, dreams of jealousy, and strange nightmares. The plot patiently develops until the romantic plot overlaps with the journalism plot, and then they literally *climax* into a tragic ending.

It’s all too brief, and sometimes the story could have used more action and more character development. There are interesting vignettes and intriguing descriptions, but just not enough going on. The Tibetan Affair is very much worth a read, but it would have been a stronger story with simply more going on.

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Dating – visitors and friends, others

Dating in China, this blog series, is basically a personal memoir. My writing inspiration of late consists of sifting through my memories, see if there was anything I was supposed to learn, and share it all for your infotainment.

Today I would like to do something different. On today’s post I would like to write about other people’s drama. A certain episode comes to mind. No action for me at this juncture, yet I was in the middle of it and have all the gossipy details.

My good friend from the States had decided to visit me, back I was living in Guangzhou in the second half of 2011. Having recently traveled myself, I welcomed him with open arms. But it’s not like we were going to go to the Great Wall or anything, I was too traveled out. We just keep it down South, Guangdong Province. He was cool with that.

I picked him up at the Hong Kong airport, and we went to see some sights in HK together. It was glorious. Then we crossed the border to my town of Shenzhen. It was a hectic night; full of old friends and drinking. I had planned to just come upon a hotel room like I usually do backpacking in China, but everything was filled up for some reason. Partying with luggage isn’t ideal. We ended up crashing at a DJ friend’s place after his gig. It always works out.

So. Before my buddy came down, I had to get him excited to visit with the obligatory “you can totally get laid in China” bro sell. In keeping with this, I had introduced him to some girls online. He particularly got along with Hailey.

If you will remember, there was another episode with Hailey. She was my open-minded platonic female friend in Shenzhen who climbed into my bed one night and thoroughly confused me, and we never ever did do anything of that sort.

My friend and her seemed to get along well. It usually doesn’t succeed when I play the matchmaker, but when it does I find it so fun to scheme. Have you ever tried?

For the next week-and-a-half I had to spend almost all my free time tour guiding all over the place. Clubs in Shenzhen, clubs in Guangzhou. It was mostly clubs. However, for one day he went to Shenzhen by himself to spend a night at a hotel on his own. With her. Sexy fun times were had, I assume. Good for them.

It was a crazy time, a very fun trip for him. I do believe he was left with a positive impression of modern China indeed. At last, the the final day was approaching… We needed to plan around a morning flight out of Hong Kong, which meant spending previous night in Shenzhen. Guangzhou wouldn’t have worked, too far.

“Look,” I sad. “I want to see you off, man. But if it’s all the same…”

“Fine,” he agreed.

I called Hailey, since they were obviously going to spend the night together anyway, and simply asked if she could take him to the nearby Huang’gang border and direct him to one of those direct shuttles to the airport.

“No way!” she yelled. “I’m not his babysitter.”

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SZ Daily: A holiday at Lianhua Hill

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Kite-flying park

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Posing in front of the Civic Center building, best pic I got

http://szdaily.sznews.com/html/2014-06/20/content_2915071.htm

IF I was asked to choose my favorite place to relax in Shenzhen, I would say the Lianhua Hill area. When the weather is clear and I have the day off, no place is better. Containing some of the most beautiful scenery in central Shenzhen, in the heart of Futian District, the area boasts the best of both worlds: a calming natural setting and convenient shopping nearby.

Last May Day I enjoyed the holiday by first checking out the book mall and then taking a stroll along the hill path. My day began by taking the Metro to Children’s Palace Station and walking to Shenzhen Book City CBD Store. I enjoy their Eon import bookstore very much because they have an ample selection of English-language books. The nearby library also has a broad range of tomes from both the United States and the United Kingdom, and even though I live in China to learn Mandarin, I am still grateful that there is international literature in my native language on hand.

The book mall has lots of other shops to choose from, including various high-end restaurants, but I wasn’t there to partake in consumer culture. After some snacks, I climbed to the top floor. The roof leads to Lianhua Hill Park, where some friends of mine were waiting.

At the entrance to the park there is a square where kite enthusiasts gather. I hadn’t planned to fly a kite that day, but when the opportunity presented itself I spontaneously bought an inexpensive one from a vendor. The vendor even helped with a refresher course on how to fly a kite, a skill I haven’t practiced much since childhood. It was fun to see my kite go higher and higher into the air, and it provided good photo opportunities for my friends.

Eventually, we made it all the way to the top. The hike might not be too demanding as far as mountain climbing goes, but compared to other mountains in Shenzhen, such as Wutong Mountain, which require hours and hours of work, Lianhua Hill makes it easier for a briefer and simpler afternoon outing.

Once at the top, the whole city of Shenzhen is visible and is perfect for taking pictures. Besides the famous statue of Deng Xiaoping, the view of the iconic Civic Center building is one of my favorite sights.

We took the leisurely path back downhill as a cool breeze came with the setting of the sun. Back near the book mall, the large square contains many aspiring musicians and artists during the evening. At a mere (optional) price of a few yuan in tips, we could listen to rock musicians as well as watch caricaturists and painters practices their craft.

It was a wonderful day and I didn’t even have to travel very far. The diversity of activities in Futian District is the reason I have stayed here the past four years and counting. I can’t wait until my next opportunity to further explore Lianhua Hill Park.

Yet more… American ‘Chinglish!’

Who would have thought it, but yet more badly spelled and funny Englishes I came across while in America.

I should have known finalizing my last post was premature. I can have a bad habit of getting ahead of myself…

If you’re new here, please take note of: this is Chinglish

 

WP_20140616_001Nice and ghetto, gotta love Long Beach 

 

WP_20140615_022Father’s Day at Little Tokyo 

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Zoey – the end

Dating in China or anywhere else in the world, breakups usually don’t just happen in one swift moment. It’s not like one second you’re in a relationship, and the next second you are officially single and you can use a stopwatch to catch the exact nanosecond. No, it’s a fuzzy math sorta thing. It softly fades, it backtracks and starts again. There is no specific point, it’s not digital it’ is analog. It’s a fractal.

Autumn, 2010. I had come back from America, while concurrently trying to convince a girl from my hometown to come follow me to Shenzhen, ready for a new apartment and a slightly new life. This time I had a smaller more city-ish apartment off Shennan Road (the central artery of the city), near a park and it suited me well. The fancy high-rises aren’t me.

Just one roommate, an American fellow with his own business. He was a bad drunk but a very good roommate. He had his own thing going on, and we’d hang out on occasion and leave each other alone when necessary. No roomie pressure. I worked more, made money. Started writing again, researched for a certain story, that ol’ dream postponed since coming here was starting up again and things were looking good.

Meanwhile, I needed to settle things with Zoey. I simply said we were in a rut. Then, after pressed for more, I was completely honest about the other girl in America. Oh, that vague situation that turned out to have no real meaning. She cried, my own heart was stretched thin, and feeling like shit and hating myself I then concluded that I was a bad person.

With Zoey, it wasn’t even the first time we’d broken up. Yet it was the most serious reason so far. Was it final yet? No. Numbed, we talked about it too much and acted on it too little, just ended up continuing the same things. We kept in touch, fell into bed a few times. I wasn’t sure what I wanted.

She wrote me a letter that tore me apart, and she told me “I’m not ready.” I thought and I thought, and some on-again-off-agains from time time, and I gave in. I decided we belonged together and it was time for me to do the right thing and stay with her. And stay with her I did.

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SZ Daily: American expat to run marathon in Australia

running sanfran 2

 

http://szdaily.sznews.com/html/2014-05/26/content_2886947.htm

DEE FULLER, a 33-year-old American from Erie, Pennsylvania, is one of Shenzhen’s most athletic and charitable expats. She is a fitness instructor and a bicycle enthusiast as well, bypassing rush hour crowds on public transport and instead biking everywhere, sometimes from as far as Luohu train station to Sea World in Shekou. Now she has made the decision to utilize her athletic prowess by running the Big Red Run marathon in Australia, which raises money to fund programs that help combat type 1 diabetes.

A long-term expat, Fuller’s been in China for a full decade. After majoring in Chinese culture and psychology at George Washington University in Washington, D.C., she first worked at a school in the states. Then, when the dean heard about her educational background in Chinese culture, which includes her thesis on Li Bai and Song Dynasty (960-1279) poetry — she was invited to teach in Beijing.

“I was in Beijing for 17 months,” said Fuller. “Then I was in Guangzhou for six-and-a-half years before ending up in Shenzhen.”

Although she studied the culture, she didn’t have any language skills upon arrival. Today she is fluent, but it took a lot of work. “When I first arrived, my Chinese students asked questions and I didn’t know how to communicate the answers,” Fuller explained. “I decided I wanted to understand more, and I immersed myself in Chinese. I mainly read children’s books.”

Six years ago, she decided to expand on her experiences by becoming a fitness instructor. “Spinning was my first class, and then I started to get involved in yoga and Pilates.”

Fuller also became a certified coach for the New Zealand company Les Mills. “I’m now a certified nutritionist. I have ISSA certificate.”

With Les Mills, she helps train Chinese instructors who will later teach international customers. Sometimes that means teaching the Western cultural perspective in addition to fitness techniques. “There is culture behind dance. From Latin beat to pop ballet, EDM to disco — it’s very important to know the culture behind it.”

“On May 29th, I’m doing an event at Tavern sports bar in Shekou to raise money for type 1 diabetes awareness,” continued Fuller. “There will be a raffle, lucky draw, and more.”

In July, she plans to go all the way to Australia to participate in the Big Red Run marathon, an intense 6-day marathon covering 250 kilometers that brings together volunteers from all over the world and raises funds for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation.

“I want to get back to being involved in charity work. I used to donate my time in America with the Salvation Army and the Special Olympics. Since I moved to China I haven’t had as many opportunities. This is a chance to do something I love for a bigger purpose outside of me,” Fuller said, “It just feels good when you do it.”

More information can be found on the Big Ren Run website, bigredrun.com.au.

Zoey – the beginning


Birthday video 2010, my life circa that era

Dating in China, Hooking Up in China, when does it become Having a Stable Girlfriend in China?

After much patience, it became.

I think I have a pretty nice story of how I met Zoey, as these things go. An average workday, I took an early-morning bus, sat next to her, and started reading my paperback of The Great Gatsby. Not my favorite novel, though I enjoyed the recent film, it was only a paperback I picked up because you can get classic novels in English cheap at local bookstores. It even had the Chinese name, 了不起的盖茨比. She saw it, and started asking me about the book. Cool! I’ll keep in touch with this chick. We discussed the Chinese title and how 了 throws me off because it can pronounced either ‘le’ or ‘liǎo’

We exchanged phone numbers. Later she told me that I looked so young, and she thought I was a college student. I don’t know if she took me seriously as a partner yet. In any case, she was more than willing to correspond with me and it was a start.

I wish I could say I approached her and it was love at first sight or something. I have a vague memory of trying to sit next to a good-looking girl on the bus – because don’t we all do that at times, just a harmless split-second preference – but I don’t usually try talking to every pretty girl I see, at least not without psyching myself up first. Besides, on cold approaches I wouldn’t even know if she speaks English or not. So, it’s a bit passive that she talked to me first, but I think I did well in talking to her back.

I didn’t know at the time that this girl would become one of the main women of my life, one of my deepest relationships.  I didn’t know that I would stay with her all year and beyond.

Zoey was great. Very outgoing, very positive, not the shy type at all. Cantonese. Slim body type. Big smile. She changed her hair often. She had permed black hair when I first met her, then dyed it auburn, then straightened it, then cut it short and curled it. She was fashionable, not in the pricey wannabe way but in humble off-brand Chinese expressive sort, my kind of style.

She wasn’t very worldly. I know that she has since traveled abroad (I think she’s already emigrated, more on that later), but at this period she was fresh out of college working a trite office job and hadn’t been to Hong Kong yet. She was decent at English and we could communicate, but she wasn’t the super-fluent type. When I’d be distant and we would fight, she’d revert to Mandarin or Cantonese or even Hakka if she was really mad. We watched many movies together and I introduced her to a lot of my native pop culture. She was very open to learning more. She was a sweetheart, a perfect companion, exactly who I needed then and I didn’t even know it.

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Weekend Chinglish

It’s that time time again. Here are some lovingly-flawed translations for you to enjoy, the unique mix of East and West that results in China’s most treasured of contemporary cultural heritage: Chinglish

Have a good weekend!

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Indeed, hasn’t every lady felt that way at times

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Ah Baiyun Mountain of GZ, I do love you

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Please always consider the life of plants… I knew there was something evil about being a vegetarian Continue reading

‘Hooking Up in China’ – Playing the field…

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A sketch of yours truly, with Beijinger artist

Dating in China might often be more accurately called Hooking Up in China, and in late 2009/early 2010 that was the kind of thing I was looking for. With varying degrees of success, mostly that is not succeeding, I had a myriad of experiences and lived and learned and notches on the bedpost and so on.

At that stage, I was a bit frustrated. My brief romance was lovely but unfulfilling in one certain way. Meanwhile, all those other expat guys constantly bragged about getting laid. I shouldn’t complain, but I wondered why I wasn’t quite keeping up. Eh, perhaps those guys were exaggerating as us bros tend to do. Really, I rarely saw the guys with a new girl every week, nothing like that. Much would be said in passing, well after the fact. Or maybe they knew better than to take girls out in public? Who knows the truth, the truth is a quantum superposition with multiple perspectives. Men round up and women round down and all realities exist simultaneously.

I’m diverging. Whatever, still I yearned. I asked out girls. Went on abortive dates. The proverbial gold-diggers (who can’t get much out of me, I’m sure not their kind of guy). Bad Christmas parties. Friend-zoned. My schedule sure got complicated. Slowly but surely, I got slightly better at the picking up chicks thing.

And so I began my evolution/devolution into the asshole I am today, or so I’ve been accused.

Here are a few of my so-called successes. Annie. Sky. Lulu. Even friendly Hailey. With so many girls in this post, please let me reiterate that these are fake names…

 

Annie

Annie was a platonic friend, a short Chinese party girl who danced all night with the expats. Continue reading

Your Weekend Chinglish

It’s not easy writing one’s memoirs, consistently producing something decent to read multiple times a week. What else may I share with some interested readers out there, I asked myself… got me thinkin…

Hence I decided to start a new series: every weekend I will post some of those “Chinglish” pics I like to take from time to time. I have quite the collection. Goes over well elsewhere. What do you think, funny?

If you aren’t aware of the Chinglish phenomenon, here’s the introduction. It is becoming more and more international in modern China, and they like to write signs and menus with English translations. Sometimes they don’t go as planned, and brilliant hilarity ensues. Enjoy.

And no disrespect meant to my Chinese friends. This is a very cool aspect of modern China, the random poetry that comes out of attempts at translation. Most of us expats are saddened when they clean up and replace with these signs with boring good translations. We love Chinglish, it’s great!

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Lactating bitches… Who you calling a bitch??

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Battle and end of, no water Continue reading

Dating in China – Julia

This one is gonna get sappy…

Dating in China would imply Chinese girls, wouldn’t it? Not necessarily. Behold, expat girls too, lost love, bittersweet memories~

I remember the first time I met Julia. I was at the usual pub with my pals, where we often frequented on the weekends. It was her birthday. I learned right away she was older than me. Up to four years.

She was so beautiful. And she still is. Tall, long legs, my height exactly. Bright blonde hair, dyed. She dressed casual, wore a white T-shirt and tight jeans. A very cute, very feminine face (sometimes tall women have more rugged squared-off faces, but not her). Perfect body, slim but not too much like that anorexic style of bar models.

Always elegant. She spoke English with a sexy Eastern European accent, a softer version of Russian. I have Slavic family and I know the general tone, but it turned out she was from an EU country. I wasn’t wrong in guessing that she studied in Moscow. She lived in Shenzhen as a classically-trained music teacher, and even performed at major concert halls on occasion.

I didn’t think I had a chance with her at all. Anyway, I was with Mona at the time.

I recall asking her how she felt turning that milestone age, and she said she didn’t feel different.

I probably didn’t make much of an impression the first time. I was just another white guy in the crowd. I tried to be funny, tried to be nice, but when you’re an expat you meet new faces constantly. Only a few stand out and prove to worth remembering. I wasn’t that special, not yet.

Well, we were in the same social and professional circles, and often crossed paths. From bar to bar, and even within the same garden, we’d bump into each other and say hello. I started seeing more of her. I started being more memorable. We’d hang out and text each other and generally be friends.

One day, I was dancing on a clean E pill and I flirted with her and made her laugh. That’s all, and it was a great night I remember it fondly.

The night things finally escalated. Me and another guy were at her apartment late. Perhaps we both had something on our minds, some subtextual competition. My American friend eventually got tired and left, while I stayed into the early hours of the morning. We sat together on her sofa and somehow I found the courage to kiss her.

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