never forever – old poems 2007 iii


never forever

The train rides by razors
It comes in every delicious flavors
There’s an empty sort, of tourism
On the planet Earth, o where is it?
Spitting lines by the dollar
They grow duller, by the hour
And I just can’t take to, the waves of the freeway
It ain’t my kind of way, not today

It will never ever, be forever
And it really wasn’t, so very clever
No time or place, nowhere
no when, no year, its not clear

And I thought I had it, all figured out
Until she opened, her big mouth
The dreams all slid through, the door crackles
I’ll never find out where I lack at
She told, she ___ed me
She sent me, a treaty
A peace that no man could aspire
A peace is made for using, to fire

So I’m riding alone, on the way to my home
where its colder, and for a quarter
I’ll wait there, staring, at the phone

It will never, be forever
and it wasn’t, so very clever

Ye – Old Poems 2007 II



Pen to paper, what a struggle
Eyes to light and feet to stumble
Nervous electric blood cells crumble
But I want to say something but then I fumble

Keeping wake and weighted attention
That/s the key, the mystery, or all perception
And every clue piles on the questions
Of the senseless lost but paid-for sessions

I/d rather sleep my conscious drift
Floating in starry-cried blissful rift
Stealing a drink, hoping for a winking lift
Of a kick behind to a future missed

Time will slow and time will speed
And so I/m told we/ll want but get the need
But time won/t pause, won/t cut the feed
Instead a dragged out of bed scene, will be indeed
Ye, surely if you plant a seed
Somebody, somewhen, will know, will be


Chinglish Chinglish


190304_10151146381368411_1855937212_nDouble the fun! And here I thought Taiwan was more progressive

Look closely, can you hear the theme song? “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!”
PS Fuck Michael Bay


Such a cute shirt, and a positive message. Look at their little faces, they sure learned a lesson

More on random T-shirts if demanded…

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Old Poems 2007 I




Self-expression is immoral
In these waters, through a portal
To story’s dreamtime, truth of sorts, so
Tell us a musical-themed action, forgo
Decisions not withstanding illegal
To properly impropered boatside seagull
There is no meaning in the puzzle day glow
For which you slaved your stubble step-toe
Not a flow or drip or push-pull
Only a fool would ever be so fat-full
Or try his best to capture feelings
In empty tie-died bullshit dealings
Or forceful brain-tried story-welding
Words or telescopic
Shelling bullets, that’s what I’m selling
Told you twice I do imagine
Sin so slightly, pleasure, muscles, spasm
Paradise found (wanting)
Introspectic, shit-fueled: droppings.



Canton Tower
I was there, man



Covering the years 2008 – 2011

And now, 2011 to early 2012:


My Guangzhou Year 1
An intro to the new status quo, as I pack up move to the ancient land of Canton/the modern megacity of Guangzhou

Dating GZ Edition – Kendra
First story, I meet a crazed American abroad and adventured therein
Public nudity and disrespect, among other themes

Dating – China to Thailand to Cambodia
I travel, I bring a certain Cynthia, I make mistakes
But hey, that’s life and at least I got to see a new place

Dating – visitors and friends, others
Some characters from previous entries reappear, old friends reunite, a funny story happened one day
This time it’s not just about me

Rejected in Guangzhou
The stories everyone seems to want to know. Rejected!
Featuring Josephine, Seline, and more

The End – my humble successes
On a final positive note, sometimes life works out rather fine
It was a good year, I experienced a lot
I really shouldn’t complain

Stayin’ upbeat

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Review: Marlene and Sofia – A Double Love Story


(Free eBook edition available, today only!)

“Marlene and Sofia – A Double Love Story,” the latest from Portuguese author Pedro Barrento (author of the whimsical-yet-deep Prince and the Singularity) is an ambitious novel.

Complex and thought-provoking, it can be hard to follow the various plots and diaries and takes a while to understand how this would considered be a love story. Characters introduced in separate storylines are slowly developed and then interact with each other, as the reader discovers their connections – be it by relatives or online interaction. The title characters Marlene and Sofia themselves take a while to appear. Then there is Joaquim, Manual who is father to Sofia, and the fling with Tiago. Some chapters are flashbacks to an earlier time as well. Pasts, from the sordid to the innocent, are revealed.

Right from the beginning, there is a clever metatextual section about how best-selling authors the world over secretly being assigned settings and characters by a mysterious imposing body. It is satirical and amusing, and oddly enough it rather fits with regards to Hollywood-style rules in the Writer’s Guild.

But this is no Hollywood formulaic story. It has more depth than that. There are treatises and quips on freedom, sexuality, family, and youth. Observations on the advantages of a simpler authoritarian past versus a bureaucratic modern democracy. Conversations about Marxism. Cynical takes on how men and women treat each other. Tragic short stories that are harsh critiques on sexist conservative 1940s culture, contrasted with the burgeoning sexuality of other character’s histories. Hints of supernatural forces at play. Digital futurism, and more.

In one early scene, an old man walks a dog and the narration describes the differing sensory perception of each species, and then states “they walked along together, but in two distinct universes.” It’s a nice line, and upon reflection it’s also just might explain more to what this story really means…

Halfway through the story becomes extremely intriguing, and gets into more science-fiction cyberpunk elements. Profound questions on the nature of experience and reality arise. Re: (Not a real site, yet.)

And, inevitably, as we all know, the uses of the latest digital technology tend to immediately be co-opted by humanity’s baser sexual instincts. As even the most proper old lady users end up paying an online service to see the world through another’s eyes, it quickly escalates to something explicit. And what of those providing the online services, how do they process what they have done?

There are many surprises as the story goes on, and you’ll have to read for yourself to understand the rest. It’s always charming, always makes you think, this double love story. “Marlene and Sofia” is a unique novel unlike anything else out there.

i wanna be extinct – old poem 2006


i wanna be extinct

So me and William-Billy LEE are hangin out in the Triassic and he’s holding my hand and the sights are cool but I’m a bit uncomfortable–“What, Allerton and little Mexican boys aren’t enough for you these days and nights and times?”–Time-travel is inconvenient–you get what you pay for—the X-Acto knife will cut into the inner thigh with minimal pain, and perhaps a aesthetic scratch or two for the sake of design-optional-the irony is rather hilarious in that when you rip off the bandaid the next day you find that’s the part that really hurts!–All that gushing, from hunting dinosaurs y’know, they’re an endangered species–3-horned beauty on the wall, raped it myself.

The Dead Insect Society has rules and regulations for these things–Please fill out the proper formage young man–I hate waiting in line–I hate doing forms on the internet–I love spellcheck

I bought a girl a sandwich and she doesn’t really care–Axis Mundi of Jew York City where all roads intertwine–Odin’s tree–but no pork or sausage or shrimp–It is an abomination you Godless queens–They will never love you–I hope this cell phone gives you cancer–Cancer of the crotch–AIDS of the astral sort–Swadhistana infected with microscopic toxins–burn the leeches with Platonic archetypal cigarettes–mmmm that’s a good smoke.

All of my dreams are of television–while all of your dreams are boring–the old Japanese phrase–Don’t worry honey, it’ll all be all right from now on–I promise–I’m lying–Hide out!–Go away–“In the correct zazen posture the right leg and left leg must intersect the left thigh and the right thigh–no bandaids please–for all is one and one is not and duality is the lie”–you liar–if you see the Buddha on the road than call this (800) number and put out a gang hit on him and roll up real slow at his pad at 2:00 AM and make sure you pop that muthafucka between the eyes cuz round here we don/t appreciate that kinda Middle Path shit–its kill or be killed in this Shangra-La hood–and the mystery is that there is no mystery.

In front of the keyboard all tired we find that parties are the hardest scenes to write-but then again parties are the only places where folks intersect–Axis Mundi–you Jews–and the drunken sex shame that follows may be no fun at the time but its all good masturbation fodder for later–he can’t get it up and all the girls are staring and laughing–the standup artist is the highest form of artistry while the artist who sit down are the lowest form of wretch in a poetry starved nation of genius television critics.

Kill the Buddha–Kill the insects–kill the rapist–hunt them–bury them–Sauropods make good meat–but its not Kosher–and I’m a vegetarian–and its a sin–the first commandment says to kill the Buddha the second commandment says to not kill the Buddha.

My morality code is based off an invisible sky-God who doesn’t approve of homosexuality or heterosexuality for that matter either–what about asexuality–The Dead Insect Society teaches that you only learn from mistakes, you don/t learn from doing the right thing–Why are we on this planet again–and by this method of spiritual journey as lists of mistakes well then I am very wise indeed.


And now for your reading enjoyment. In case you missed it before. Allow me to lay it all out.

Megapost of my personal dating memoirs, covering the time span of August, 2008 to February, 2011

Links, from the beginning:

Prologue: How I came to China

Part 1: Burning Man
I go to a big trippy festival

Part 2: Doing LSD at Burning Man
I expand my mind and receive an invite abroad


Intro to Dating in China
First things first, let me explain how this thing will work

I arrive in China
The story officially begins, I get here


My first China-based girlfriend, and how that didn’t work out

The next level… Sigh, was it love?

A summer romance, a brief flight, all too innocent

Annie – Sky – Lulu – more
Singlehood, bachelor life, the learning process, playing the field…


The Beginning
Long-term relationship begins, a defining point in my life

An American intermission
You can’t go ‘home’, and I try and I fail and I drift

The End
Finally, and sadly, nothing lasts forever


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Book Review: The Tibetan Affair

tibetan affair book cover

The Tibetan Affair by Wang Xiao Hui is a novella which also includes two short stories. An interesting look into the world of Chinese journalists and the conflicts in Tibet, the main novella offers a readers an opportunity a window to observe this little-known scene.

The introduction comes slowly at first, opening with the personal lives and drama of the Beijing TV crew before they head to Tibet. There are interesting anecdotes along the way, such as the issue of altitude sicknesses and various vices.

Mainly the story centers around Mickey, who is bored of his wife and loves a younger coworker. Trouble comes when they do get to Tibet, from rocks thrown at trains to sexual tension in the hotel room.

Largely a critique of both the reactionary Chinese government and the hypocritical, submissive media, the journalists interview the police who expound on their obviously ridiculous views about foreigners the CIA and the Dalai Lama… Then conversations start to get more cynical, with takes on selling out your own country. The truth comes out and there is a bit of real journalism, but in a certain self-serving way.

But that’s just a backdrop to the romantic plot, which is the meat of the story. The sex scenes are quite steamy. Dreams are a constant theme as well; sexual dreams, dreams of jealousy, and strange nightmares. The plot patiently develops until the romantic plot overlaps with the journalism plot, and then they literally *climax* into a tragic ending.

It’s all too brief, and sometimes the story could have used more action and more character development. There are interesting vignettes and intriguing descriptions, but just not enough going on. The Tibetan Affair is very much worth a read, but it would have been a stronger story with simply more going on.

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Dating in Guangzhou – The end… my humble ‘successes’

206513_10150171831983411_5576_nSee end

Dating in China, blah blah. I’m coming to an endpoint here. At least the end of my Guangzhou Year point.

Yes, I was getting sick of GZ. But not sick of China yet, not even close. I decided to go back to the familiarity of another city, my default locale. Shenzhen is just where I would’ve ended up eventually anyway, might as well surrender to my destiny. I sincerely like it better, somehow it works for me. I can’t believe I’m still here.

Guangzhou, in all its overwhelming epicness, was a place to study and a place to learn yet not a place for permanence.

In this final installment of the Provincial Capital’s memories, let me be a bit more positive. I may have complained too much in previous entries; I should be more grateful for the wonderful experiences I’ve had. It wasn’t all lonely nights in Canton…


There was Nellie, whom I met on POF. She had an exotic face, a cutesy style, and she invited me to her glamorous home to drink French wine. I spent a weekend there, she was so gracious. Regaled with tales of work and travel.

She visited me in Shenzhen once too.

Then there was Janey, whom I met on It was all so natural and easy, she added me or I added her (who remembers at this point?) and I simply suggested we go on a date and then we did and it ended nicely.

She was very attractive, thoroughly modern, and studied yoga. She didn’t mind coming out all the way to my place. But oddly shy. Like open in some ways, so reserved in others. We went to the cinema several, and window-shopped at Tianhe malls.

One day we had a fight when I went to her area in Taojin. I got bad directions and got lost and was late. No dinner even, only harsh words. It simply wasn’t meant to be long-term.

Most of all, there was Valerie, my then friend-with-benefit of choice. An office worker in glasses with a casual style. She was from Yunnan. She lived in deep Panyu, far away from downtown, and she was happy to visit me. We first met at a market in Shiqiao, the busiest area of the district and a world away from the city center.

I took her to dinner, went to parks, we enjoyed many weekends together lounging about my area. She liked me, she really liked me. Always cool, always happy, always there for me. Such an awesome person.

And no drama. I thank her for this. Today, as I think back and compare, I could not be more grateful for her positivity and good times.

I hope she thinks well of me now. I don’t even know why we didn’t become boyfriend and girlfriend. Didn’t seem in the cards, didn’t seem we had that kind of thing going. She wasn’t really who I pictured myself with, to be honest. We never had any serious conversations. She never pressured me to take things further. She was perpetually chill. Who knows, perhaps something was going on in her personal life at the time.

Still, I wonder…

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Dating – Rejected in Guangzhou

at local gz pub, stay positive olives
At local GZ pub, with olives. Gotta stay positive

Dating in China, blah blah. More often than not it was Rejected in China. Especially during my Guangzhou Year.

Everyone seemed to be doing fine hooking up, yet I always found myself to be wrought with challenges in this game.

People all assume that it’s so easy to be an expat in China. There are advantages to be sure, I admit my privilege. However, honestly I get rejected by local girls all the time.

What can I say? I really put myself out there. That means taking risks. That sometimes means embarrassing yourself, falling on the hard dirt face-first, and somehow finding the strength to do it all over again next weekend. Did I learn anything?

There was the girl who made out with me while my friend was visiting and texted me all the time, yet she would never make the time to meet one-on-one for a date. There was the second date with the Sandy when she slept over at my place and we massaged each other in the morning and then she told me she’s seeing someone else. There was the girl I approached outside in the street who turned out to run a bar in Panyu, and we as per usual made out in a club and then I went to her bar and I could never get her alone again. There was my cute Italian friend, one ambiguous friendship with that flirting tension in the air and nothing ever came of it. The American (from guess where, Florida) who was really into graphic cybersex with me and then by the time we met in person she was constantly talking about her new boyfriend. The Japanese language teacher friend who rejected my advances multiple times. The girl I met while backpacking in Tokyo, who liked me when we were chatting and showed me around in person but wouldn’t let me stay at her place during my travels. I even met a girl who owned a manga shop in Yuefu and I thought she just might be my soulmate, but she evidently thought there were no sparks at all; this was when I began formulating my theory that too much in common is not good for attraction.

Off the top of my head, two girls especially come to mind, of whose rejections were particularly hurtful–



Josephine. I really liked her. Slim and glamorous. She knew her fashion. A French major, a Europhile. She was meant for greater things than me…

I met her at the big nightclub in Zhujiang New Town. She wore a sexy black dress. I used a great opening line about looking like a drug dealer and pretending people were asking me if I was holding, wondering what she thought of my looks. She laughed, we exchanged numbers.

We had pizza for dinner one day and I bought her a stuffed animal, and she started talking about her boyfriend.

“Isn’t this a date?” I forwardly asked, though trying not to come across as resentful.


I never did get a goodbye kiss from her.

I tried to stay friends with her.

Somehow, her number got lost as I upgraded phones throughout the seasons and I no longer have her contact info. It would be nice to know what she’s up to. Just to be friends on Wechat, see her posts occasionally, not bug her all the time or anything.

Josephine, are you out there?



Probably the most drama I had in my entire Guangzhou era was with Seline.

Now, I met her indirectly through Couchsurfing. But let me assure you that I never ever use the crucial travel-and-networking website as a hookup thing. That is strictly against my code. This was the only time I kinda-sorta broke that code.

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