Dad came to visit me!

Previously: Dad is coming to visit me

Well, after years of living abroad, I finally got my dear dad to visit China. He has came and went and I survived. A week and a few days, and I hope I was a good host.

He came to meet him Hong Kong, and we had the whole airport hug moment. Jetlagged, he was somewhat out of it and I led the way by double-decker bus to Causeway Bay. I know my way around there by now.

Actually, I still don’t totally know my way around. There was some initial bickering, I admit. For some reason he thought the hotel wouldn’t be a forty-five minute ride from the airport, and fair enough I did get lost after that…

Carrying all the luggage, trying to figure out the map app on my phone, I finally found the hotel. What a beautiful view from the 37th floor

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I didn’t think the journey to the hotel was that bad, and it was merely the first of several arguments. And yet, the biggest challenge was simply that he’s getting older, and didn’t have as much energy as I’d hoped. If it wasn’t one thing it would have been another.

“I came here to see you,” he kept saying. Then getting mad at me for dragging him around too much. Hey it’s cool!

Also he wasn’t much interested in the food, which makes me wonder what the point is of going to China, but eh to each their own.

 

The next day my tour began with a ferry to Kowloon. Ate Indian food at Chungking Mansions, of course, and starting busying souvenirs.

Unfortunately, modern China is not quite like what he imagined in the Bruce Lee movies. Not so many rickshaws, but here’s one junk.

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There would be lots of Bruce Lee-themed wandering. My dad’s number one interest when it comes to China. Here’s the Bruce Lee statue from the Avenue of Stars in Tsim Sha Tsui.

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Personally I’m far more interested in the installations they set up at Times Square,  Gundams!

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More importantly, back to regular tours, we took the tram up to Victoria Peak. Absolutely incredible at nightfall.

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Again, while China/Hong Kong didn’t have as much martial arts-themed sights has he’d hoped, we did find an exhibition at the Heritage Museum for our last day in Hong Kong.

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When we crossed the border into the mainland — my city of Shenzhen — I realized that on the second leg of the trip we were to take it much easier. More lazing about, less scurrying from one place to the next. I indeed wanted to do more scurrying, but what are ya’ gonna do?

(Just like when I was a kid we’d go on vacation and spend more time watching TV in the hotel room than out and about..)

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My first Chinese wedding

No, not my first Chinese wedding. I mean my first Chinese wedding — of other people — I’ve ever been to.

Recently, my good friend got engaged and invited me to Hainan, the tropical island paradise of a province, and I was to attend his wedding. Always wanted to go that island, and always wanted to to one of those big festive Chinese weddings I’ve heard so much about. Made plans and I dusted off my old dress jacket and off we went.

Flew into Haikou city, the capital. To be honest, not my favorite city. People usually go to Sanya, the more touristy locale apparently overrun by Russians. I did enjoy the beaches in Haikou because they’re relatively deserted, and there were some decent natural hot springs, but overall it was a bit of a dead city. Really tricky to just find restaurants.

Then came the big day. The train at the airport conveniently goes right to the nearby small town of Wenchang, the bride’s hometown, which is actually better than Haikou. Plenty of places to eat. We were even nicely gifted with a hotel room.

The ceremony was at the adjoining big hotel. Look, he’s a celebrity.

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The big day. That’s me, and my lovely date.

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300 people in attendance. All the bride’s family. My American friend only had a relative few friends from the Shenzhen scene. We did get to sit in the front, VIP.

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It surprised me how matter-of-fact the proceedings were. The groom did admit he found some of the rituals awkward. All the guests came in, paid a hongbao (red envelope, typically filled with *cash*), as if it was basically a show.

A show indeed. Here is the happy couple wearing undergoing the shaking-hands-with-guests-at-entrance move, with her in a red dress initially.

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All in all it was a very structured affair. She changed into a white dress inside, but it wasn’t a Christian affair by any means. No priest, not quite walking down the aisle. The MC host of some wedding company was in charge, and it seemed like he did this sort of thing onstage all the time.

One thing checklisted after another. Pour the champagne, cut the cake, take pictures with the family. All with appropriate accompanying soundtrack.

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Hainan Chinglish

On my recent trip to the tropical Hainan island/province, specifically the cities of Haikou and Wenchang, I came across this T-shirt for sale:

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Which is the only particularly funny part.

 

Here’s a Tompie sign misspelled:

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And the other day back in Shenzhen a guy with a shirt that loudly states: FUCK among other illegibles. Gotta love those shirts.

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Fallow your heart, readers!

Redtory Art District in Guangzhou

Despite the disappointing ‘comic con’, my little trip to Guangzhou wasn’t a total waste. In fact, I had a great time. It’s an amazing city, even bigger than the already-overwhelmingly mega cities of Shenzhen and Hong Kong. I recommend Turkish restaurants for example…

We decided to head to the Redtory/红专厂 art district, to showcase the lovely artistic side of the city. Like 798 in Beijing, it is made up of a former factory that has been refurnished into a space for galleries and hip little coffee shops. While Beijing’s version is far more successful and artistically valid, we make do with what we can in the Pearl River Delta.

 

http://www.redtory.com.cn/english

 

To get there, simply go to Yuancun station and right outside exit B there is a shuttle bus which only costs 2 yuan. Drive through an urban village area, it’s a little out there, but transportation is very convenient.

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Open 7:00 a.m. to 11:00 p.m.

 

And then we made it!

Looks like a lot going on:

 

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There was a quaint market, always fun to buy little trinkets and gifts.

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Take a stroll to see the various shops.

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Even some factory-themed readymades.

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With many galleries featuring powerful works of painting, photography, and sculpture

 

 916 Studio: The Persistence of Images curated by Wang Chuan

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 RMCA Hall: Black Birds  exhibition by Israeli artist Avital Cnaani

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 The Redtory Museum of Contemporary Art featured an exhibit on “Neo-Mororism”
Tickets only 10 yuan

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 Lastly, I love this little mascot guy posted all over the place!

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Epic Fail Comic Con

One of the things I’ve missed out on by living in China is the glory of comic conventions. I went to the San Diego con — biggest in America, a number of times. I used to go to small ones in Cincinnati. Buy discount bundles of comics, get some signed by artists and writers. In San Diego, of course, many big-time celebrities to gawk at. Pretty much the funnest thing there is to do.

I did go to an animation festival in Shenzhen a few years back, and it was fun. Students making CGI films, Japanese manga translated into Chinese. But no Western comics.

With the popularity of the Marvel films all over the world, Wizard World — and I’d gone to a Wizard World in Chicago back in the day — decided to host their first convention in China at the nearby city of Guangzhou. Imagine my pleasure at hearing this!

Then imagine my extreme disappointment when I went last month and it was an abyssmal failure. 😦

Now, I didn’t expect much. Wizard World Guangzhou was beaten by the Shanghai comic con, and the reviews weren’t great. Just a bit of cosplay, toys to buy, and very little actual comics to purchase but apparently at least a few. As Marta Lives in China had written about: https://martalivesinchina.wordpress.com/2015/05/18/shanghai-comic-con/

What a long story the failure of the Guangzhou con. Where to even start?

Only a few days before schedule I’d suddenly heard that they changed venues. Guangzhou, host city of the large scale international Canton Fair, should know how to do big events. China has trade conventions all the time; I’ve been to many. Yet the new venue was suspiciously small. Apparently they built a big tent or something.

We arrived Saturday in the afternoon, and heard from friends that they’d been waiting in line in the scorching heat for several hours. Two Americans in China has more details here: http://www.twoamericansinchina.com/2015/05/the-big-con-nightmare-guangzhou-comic-con.html

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Nothing but long lines. Hours and hours of this. We decided to go eat nearby, in no hurry to join the lines and wait, and gather some intel.

Finally, after hours of walking in circles just wondering if the line was even moving, the story had been pieced together. Turned out the the original venue had backed out. There were rumors they wanted to overcharge the westerners at the last minute, and/or they double-booked. Probably another stupid boring trade show about cell phone parts or something. Gosh forbid they do an exhibition with some culture.

Fanstang, the incompetent Chinese-based organization working with Wizard World (and Wizard bears responsibility too), only had time for this very small alternative location. Seemed all the vendors were cancelled. Couldn’t even buy a dang T-shirt. I never did get to see the inside, but a few others had and said it was extremely disappointing.

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The only discernible point of this thing was to look at a few celebrities.

I felt silly taking pics with the crowd, but what else was there to do?

This guy is Stefon from Vampire Diaries, so I’m told. Paul Wesley.

20150530_143243The bald guy walking away is, believe it or not, is Dominic Purcell the older brother from Prison Break.

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And this girl on the right walking away is Skye from Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., which I don’t watch. Actress Chloe Bennet.

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And that is unfortunately all I got.

The biggest name was Lee Pace, Thranduil from the Hobbit and Ronan from Guardians of the Galaxy. Whatever.

 

I took these pictures when the celebrities were leaving. It was scheduled until 6:00, I figured the last hour or so could be enjoyed there, but at 4:00 the stars got fed up and left. It was over.

The remaining crowds were not happy. It was very difficult to get a straight answer about refunds. Finally, an American in charge told me the rest of the story. The police wouldn’t let the people in, as there were something like 7000 tickets sold but the venue could only hold several hundred people. Yes, that big a discrepancy. Only “VIP” tickets would be let in the next day, which cost 500 yuan, and absolutely not worth it. They were still figuring out details on regular-priced ticket refunds and sending signed autographs or something.

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In the end, what a clusterfuck. An epic China fail if ever there was one.

What bothers me the most is how much it embarrasses China. Talk about losing face. All these celebrities, who have much social capital, are left with a terrible impression of doing business in China. These people are not impressed with Guanghzou. If this worked it could have been a lot of fun for fans and opened up Western pop culture to this grand country. Instead, it reinforced the worst examples of how China is not quite yet ready to be a modern country. I’m very sorry about that, but what other conclusion can be drawn? It’s true.

The lesson is to tread carefully in China, and don’t have high expectations.

 

That said, with my low expectations we still had some fun in China.

Next post: an overview of the Redtory arts district in GZ

Zhuhai Chinglish!

Happy Chinese New Year!

新年快樂!

I’ve seen a lot of goats lately…

Just got back from Zhuhai yesterday, a tourist beach town not far from here. Bordering the former Portugese colony of Macau, Zhuhai is also a Special Economic Zone but does not equal the hustle and bustle of Shenzhen’s metropolis. We went to a hot springs resort and had a lot of fun.

And, getting out of the big city helps to find a \lot more hilarious mistranslations.

Especially menus. Can’t you just taste that authentic Cantonese cuisine of pig brain and bullfrog?

I remain a vegetarian, more inspired than ever.

Presenting: Zhuhai Chinglish

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Mmm hot dog bowel

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Green hometown is nice

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Bacteria, okay…..

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Germs, appetizing

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Beef balls pee, yeah! Not too mention the rest

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Hong Kong Chinglish

Recently, I went on a short trip to Hong Kong. I was just there for a couple of days, but I did find a few random pictures to share.

Like Taiwan, Hong Kong is supposed to be more modern and developed than mainland China. Yet if you seek it out, there are misspellings to discover…

And an important sticker

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Looks appetizing

 

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Dessevt spelled wrong. I’m trying here, it’s HK!

 

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Finally, that’s not funny that’s cool. Power to the People!!

 

DATING IN CHINA

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DATING IN CHINA


(Table of Contents)

Firstly, from 2008 on:

Prologue: How I came to China

Part 1: Burning Man
I go to a big trippy festival

Part 2: Doing LSD at Burning Man
I expand my mind and receive an invite abroad

Introductions

Intro to Dating in China
First things first, let me explain how this thing will work

I arrive in China
The story officially begins, I get here

Girls

Mona
My first China-based girlfriend, and how that didn’t work out

Julia
The next level… Sigh, was it love?

Mary
A summer romance, a brief flight, all too innocent

Annie – Sky – Lulu – more
Singlehood, bachelor life, the learning process, playing the field…

Zoey

The Beginning
Long-term relationship begins, a defining point in my life

An American intermission
You can’t go ‘home’, and I try and I fail and I drift

The End
Finally, and sadly, nothing lasts forever

 

GUANGZHOU YEAR
In the city… the city of Canton…

And now, 2011 to early 2012:

My Guangzhou Year 1
An intro to the new status quo, as I pack up move to the ancient land of Canton/
the modern megacity of Guangzhou

Dating GZ Edition – Kendra
First story, I meet a crazed American abroad and adventured therein
Public nudity and disrespect, among other themes

China to Thailand to Cambodia
I travel, I bring a certain Cynthia, I make mistakes
But hey, that’s life and at least I got to see a new place

Dating – visitors and friends, others
Some characters from previous entries reappear, old friends reunite, a funny story happened one day
This time it’s not just about me

Rejected in Guangzhou
The stories everyone seems to want to know. Rejected!
Featuring Josephine, Seline, and more

The End – my humble successes
On a final positive note, sometimes life works out rather fine
It was a good year, I experienced a lot
I really shouldn’t complain

 

2012

Back to Shenzhen
In which I return to this town that somehow suits me

Emma
I begin the online game~

Jeanie
I have a girlfriend! I really did!

Yuki
I must admit, things got a tad gross.
Hope this wasn’t the beginning of a certain pattern…

 

2013: Epic Clusterfuck Year

Not Dating in America (and Hong Kong, and Canada)
2012 comes and goes and the world doesn’t end,
Meanwhile a bad start as I embark upon a year of drama bullshit

The Stalker
In which I make a foul choice which ends up following me around all year.
Dark times. No fun.

Carmen
I meet someone cool and travel to the Philippines
A brief positive note, albeit all too brief

Sonia – Jing – Amelia
POF, a site, met some peoples from differing lands, times are had,
and then I quit online dating forever more

The Very End
And I do mean it, the very very end.
I reflect and I consider and now it is time to move forward–

Chinglish – Kinmen, Taiwan

I recently traveled to the city of Xiamen in Fujian Province, one of the four original Special Economic Zones. Just as Shenzhen was built up to foster investment from overseas Chinese people (and Zhuhai ala Macau as well), Xiamen was propped in relation to Taiwan.

Although Taiwan is relatively a bit far away, there is the nearby island of Kinmen which is administrated by the ROC government of Taiwan. A small town only thirty minutes away by ferry, it is a nice and charming place to visit and really feels different from mainland China.

Here are some rare Taiwanese Chinglishes, and various other funny pictures:

Note the complex traditional characters 繁體字

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Always helpful advice on the urinal. Ummm… cute?

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AWWW look up close it says BEAGLE BRIGADE! Cutest port of entry ever. Hard to take a good pic though

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OK I won’t through my garage into the sea

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Back to the mainland, shops

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More toilet fun. What gender is that?

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Emiction?? Compartmentalize…

 

Chinglish – American edition… Really!