Dating in China – Yuki, gross

Not that this was the same time period, but here’s me in Tokyo!

I sincerely try not to judge people.

I really do. I try, and I don’t always succeed, but I try. Intellectually I know I shouldn’t be judgmental.

When it comes to sexually promiscuous women, I can be torn. On the one hand, we are all adults and we should be free to do whatever we want. Me included. Some people express themselves sexually and they are healthy about it, they want to give themselves pleasure and society shouldn’t force arbitrary rules causing unnecessary shame. It’s simple, really.

Yet, there is on the other hand: how some people seem to warrant further psychoanalyzing to see why they are having all that wild anonymous group sex. Certain peoples with issues and acting out. Can’t help but wonder what’s wrong. Or at least, can’t we be morbidly curious about why people are the way they are?

I still have some enlightening to do myself…

Honestly, I don’t even care that all that much. It’s not my business. Let me start over. This is all from a totally amoral standpoint.

I simply don’t want her to text me those pictures of her fucking multiple men, and often pictures of her fucking those multiple men at once. I’m just not into seeing that. And she kept sending them unsolicited again and again. Emails, text apps. Skanky invitations (for lack of a better term), I’d tell her to leave me alone, and she continuously pushed at me and pushed at me the most graphic sexual imagery possible.

That’s weird, right?



I don’t think it was a moment of desperation or anything like that. A mere moment of playfulness. Not particularly special or anything.

Well, after online dating for so long, the odds were in my favor that eventually I’d meet someone off and the drama would begin.

So. I was single now and feeling frisky one day, as single men tend to do, and I messaged some lady on POF and said I was doing a survey on hand jobs. Rate your skill 1 to 10. Funny much?

She was apparently intrigued and messaged me back.

Yuki was my age. She’d done some kind of trading business. I know she’d been to Vegas before and was internationally-minded enough. Her ‘name’ was a Japanese (Chinese people rarely use their real names when speaking English to foreigners, they usually choose a Western name but some people do like to be called something more exotic). She wasn’t all that hot. She was curvy for a Chinese woman. She was quite willing. How was I to know it would turn out bad?

After a latenight dinner we took a taxi to my house and so on. Whatever. We met a few times after that I guess. It wasn’t like that memorable. She wasn’t supposed to have turned out to be this big a deal still bothering me today.

Some time passed, there was no indication that we should become a serious couple, and one day she asked if she could stay at my place for several days. Um, what?

She had been telling me she was looking for a new place, looking to move. She was just in-between. It happens. Or, does it?

It was terrible. I can be such a sucker. I laid out some ground rules, and I let her bring over luggages and crash. She went out to work or something in the days, and then came over at nights and left many dirty dishes and crap lying around.

Worst of all, she was always around. My whole personal routine was interrupted. I like to be alone most of the time, to be honest.

I do invite people over from time to time. I’ve written about Couchsurfing, for example. Thing about those situations though, is that there is a plan beforehand. A specific date of when the guest leaves, an endpoint.

Yuki soon overstayed her welcome and I told her she needed to get out. This wasn’t cool. She needed to get the hell out of my house.

It was hard to read this person. I mean, she’d been abroad. A moderately middle-class Chinese woman, I’d suppose. Didn’t seem like she was broke. It’s not hard to find an apartment in Shenzhen, so why did she need to be in-between like this?

Was she actually homeless, drifting from man to man’s houses? Or, just desperate for human contact?

I don’t know. I don’t want to know too much. Just stop taking advantage of me.

Then, another day a month or so later, it came eerily close to stalking.

That time she came over without warning was unacceptable. I hate when women do that. I have a routine, I need to be alone to be productive. I don’t like surprises. Sure I let her stay over, but I told her in no uncertain terms that she could never ever come over unannounced again.

When I later moved, I made it a point to not forward her my new address.

And lest you think I’m some pig rejecting an innocent Chinese girl who only wanted to be my girlfriend… Then the explicitness began.

Now, I’m not necessarily opposed to sexting. I may indulge in such from time to time. But when the unsolicited nude pictures started, and were then followed up by pictures of sex with other men’s dicks, I had to politely ask her to stop. She can be exhibitionist all she wants, but don’t I get to inform consent?

And they kept on coming. Dick pics. Other men’s dicks. More dicks. Then two dicks at once. Then a video. Then more.

Where did she find these guys anyway? No don’t answer that, I do not wish to know too much about this scene in Shenzhen. I kind of prefer being naïve.

On the subject of threesomes and group sex… Nevermind. I am not going to share my thoughts about threesomes just yet.

I will, however, state that MMF threesomes are not what I’m into. Period. It’s very flattering to be asked, but I’d already long declined. I’m very clear about my preferences and I’d like my choices to be respected. Stop asking me.

Time passed. Eventually, as entered into a committed relationship or two, Yuki continued to send me unsolicited pictures. This was getting extremely disrespectful and I got pissed off and blocked her. I blocked her email, and then she’d get a new email. I’d stop her from sending me pics on one app, and then she’d send me on another app that doesn’t allow blocking. (Thanks a goddamn lot for not having a blocking option, Viber!)

And that’s about that. I wish I could say that I don’t keep in touch with her. I mostly don’t.

Sigh, let me check my email and Viber…

Eh. I can deal with it. It was a relatively minor issue. Yes a tad messy. But it needn’t ruin my day or anything.

Little did I know it, the real drama was to come in my Clusterfuck Year of 2013.


Here’s another story real quick.

One day in late ’12 I went out to meet an Irish friend at a bar. He brought a pretentious British fellow of whom I don’t get along with, and there was tension. The guy thinks he’s so much better than me, so much smarter and more well-read than me, always sneering. An intellectual sort of hyper-masculine meathead, the kind of guy who shakes your hand with a death grip to assert dominance. Whatever, this isn’t about him.

It’s about the girl who was sitting across from us by herself. “Someone should talk to her,” said us nerds. I decided I was over competing with this dude, and so I went over and sat next to her. I got in a conversation, and the two of us went to her place. It felt good to show off, I must admit. “Bye guys!”

Turned out she was from Beijing and temporarily in town studying for a semester, and her rich parents spoiled her with a big apartment. She was not a particularly good person and we didn’t get along much. She was somewhat into teasing me. Somehow, not that first night but on another night, I indulged on spending time at her place and we did eventually hook up. Notch on the belt.

Upon reflection, I have realized something. She was the only girl I was with that year who I didn’t meet on the Internet.

And that was about it for 2012. The world hadn’t ended.

On the Winter Solstice, I happened to go to an ‘End of the World Party’ with my platonic female Spanish friend. I got high and complained about my problems with girls. It was fun.

While it was disappointing that there was no cosmic apocalypse or alien-induced Singularity, all in all it was a pretty good year.

Even years seem to work well for me. 2008 wasn’t bad. I had a girlfriend. I dated. This even-numbered year has been rather cool so far as well. It’s the odd years that take a toll…

Epic Clusterfuck Year of 2013 was approaching…

But first, some travel.


Next: America and Hong Kong, a prelude

19 thoughts on “Dating in China – Yuki, gross

  1. Pingback: Dating in China – Jeanie, girlfriends | Ray H to the C

  2. It is not difficult to find people for group sex especially online. This girl seems an exhibitionist psychopath. It is a classical tactic used to keep your mind obsessed. If you read the boards in any online forum of victims of psychopaths you will be shocked about how many have this type of pictures sent to them, although there are some variations like pic of call girls, strangers, your own brother etc


    • Interesting take. I think she was trying to drive me crazy, but it didn’t make me obsessed though it only weirded me out.

      Ok I know it’s doable to find group sex if one really wants, but really is it *not difficult* at all? Do you mean for women, or anyone? Sigh sometimes I feel I’m so sheltered~


      • For women can be easier especially if you know what type of people you aim for. But i believe that whoever wants to really find something, he will. Good to know she didn’t make you obsess. Despite the fact than more than 1000 words are written about her and we stand here talking about it. 😉


      • Well she had a bit of an effect, but most of all it’s good fodder for writing.

        There are a lot of girls I’ve written about here, and so far the nicest one had the most words devoted to her (3 posts, go through archives re: Zoey)

        But generally speaking, it’s easier to vent writing thousands of words about the negative experiences isn’t it


        Liked by 1 person

  3. I have a few stories myself, but I will share those face to face… I remember clearly that night, as I was there, and you are absolutely right about everything (good to know your impromptu hook-up led to such a nice outcome).

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: *Not* Dating – America (Canada), Hong Kong | Ray H to the C

  5. Pingback: Dating in China 2012 – 2013 | Ray H to the C

  6. Pingback: Dating in China | Ray H to the C

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