Dating in China – Yuki, gross

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Not that this was the same time period, but here’s me in Tokyo!

I sincerely try not to judge people.

I really do. I try, and I don’t always succeed, but I try. Intellectually I know I shouldn’t be judgmental.

When it comes to sexually promiscuous women, I can be torn. On the one hand, we are all adults and we should be free to do whatever we want. Me included. Some people express themselves sexually and they are healthy about it, they want to give themselves pleasure and society shouldn’t force arbitrary rules causing unnecessary shame. It’s simple, really.

Yet, there is on the other hand: how some people seem to warrant further psychoanalyzing to see why they are having all that wild anonymous group sex. Certain peoples with issues and acting out. Can’t help but wonder what’s wrong. Or at least, can’t we be morbidly curious about why people are the way they are?

I still have some enlightening to do myself…

Honestly, I don’t even care that all that much. It’s not my business. Let me start over. This is all from a totally amoral standpoint.

I simply don’t want her to text me those pictures of her fucking multiple men, and often pictures of her fucking those multiple men at once. I’m just not into seeing that. And she kept sending them unsolicited again and again. Emails, text apps. Skanky invitations (for lack of a better term), I’d tell her to leave me alone, and she continuously pushed at me and pushed at me the most graphic sexual imagery possible.

That’s weird, right?

 

Yuki

I don’t think it was a moment of desperation or anything like that. A mere moment of playfulness. Not particularly special or anything.

Well, after online dating for so long, the odds were in my favor that eventually I’d meet someone off and the drama would begin.

So. I was single now and feeling frisky one day, as single men tend to do, and I messaged some lady on POF and said I was doing a survey on hand jobs. Rate your skill 1 to 10. Funny much?

She was apparently intrigued and messaged me back.

Yuki was my age. She’d done some kind of trading business. I know she’d been to Vegas before and was internationally-minded enough. Her ‘name’ was a Japanese (Chinese people rarely use their real names when speaking English to foreigners, they usually choose a Western name but some people do like to be called something more exotic). She wasn’t all that hot. She was curvy for a Chinese woman. She was quite willing. How was I to know it would turn out bad?

After a latenight dinner we took a taxi to my house and so on. Whatever. We met a few times after that I guess. It wasn’t like that memorable. She wasn’t supposed to have turned out to be this big a deal still bothering me today.

Some time passed, there was no indication that we should become a serious couple, and one day she asked if she could stay at my place for several days. Um, what?

She had been telling me she was looking for a new place, looking to move. She was just in-between. It happens. Or, does it?

It was terrible. I can be such a sucker. I laid out some ground rules, and I let her bring over luggages and crash. She went out to work or something in the days, and then came over at nights and left many dirty dishes and crap lying around.

Worst of all, she was always around. My whole personal routine was interrupted. I like to be alone most of the time, to be honest.

I do invite people over from time to time. I’ve written about Couchsurfing, for example. Thing about those situations though, is that there is a plan beforehand. A specific date of when the guest leaves, an endpoint.

Yuki soon overstayed her welcome and I told her she needed to get out. This wasn’t cool. She needed to get the hell out of my house.

It was hard to read this person. I mean, she’d been abroad. A moderately middle-class Chinese woman, I’d suppose. Didn’t seem like she was broke. It’s not hard to find an apartment in Shenzhen, so why did she need to be in-between like this?

Was she actually homeless, drifting from man to man’s houses? Or, just desperate for human contact?

I don’t know. I don’t want to know too much. Just stop taking advantage of me.

Then, another day a month or so later, it came eerily close to stalking.

That time she came over without warning was unacceptable. I hate when women do that. I have a routine, I need to be alone to be productive. I don’t like surprises. Sure I let her stay over, but I told her in no uncertain terms that she could never ever come over unannounced again.

When I later moved, I made it a point to not forward her my new address.

And lest you think I’m some pig rejecting an innocent Chinese girl who only wanted to be my girlfriend… Then the explicitness began.

Now, I’m not necessarily opposed to sexting. I may indulge in such from time to time. But when the unsolicited nude pictures started, and were then followed up by pictures of sex with other men’s dicks, I had to politely ask her to stop. She can be exhibitionist all she wants, but don’t I get to inform consent?

And they kept on coming. Dick pics. Other men’s dicks. More dicks. Then two dicks at once. Then a video. Then more.

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Dating – Rejected in Guangzhou

at local gz pub, stay positive olives
At local GZ pub, with olives. Gotta stay positive

Dating in China, blah blah. More often than not it was Rejected in China. Especially during my Guangzhou Year.

Everyone seemed to be doing fine hooking up, yet I always found myself to be wrought with challenges in this game.

People all assume that it’s so easy to be an expat in China. There are advantages to be sure, I admit my privilege. However, honestly I get rejected by local girls all the time.

What can I say? I really put myself out there. That means taking risks. That sometimes means embarrassing yourself, falling on the hard dirt face-first, and somehow finding the strength to do it all over again next weekend. Did I learn anything?

There was the girl who made out with me while my friend was visiting and texted me all the time, yet she would never make the time to meet one-on-one for a date. There was the second date with the Sandy when she slept over at my place and we massaged each other in the morning and then she told me she’s seeing someone else. There was the girl I approached outside in the street who turned out to run a bar in Panyu, and we as per usual made out in a club and then I went to her bar and I could never get her alone again. There was my cute Italian friend, one ambiguous friendship with that flirting tension in the air and nothing ever came of it. The American (from guess where, Florida) who was really into graphic cybersex with me and then by the time we met in person she was constantly talking about her new boyfriend. The Japanese language teacher friend who rejected my advances multiple times. The girl I met while backpacking in Tokyo, who liked me when we were chatting and showed me around in person but wouldn’t let me stay at her place during my travels. I even met a girl who owned a manga shop in Yuefu and I thought she just might be my soulmate, but she evidently thought there were no sparks at all; this was when I began formulating my theory that too much in common is not good for attraction.

Off the top of my head, two girls especially come to mind, of whose rejections were particularly hurtful–

 

Josephine

Josephine. I really liked her. Slim and glamorous. She knew her fashion. A French major, a Europhile. She was meant for greater things than me…

I met her at the big nightclub in Zhujiang New Town. She wore a sexy black dress. I used a great opening line about looking like a drug dealer and pretending people were asking me if I was holding, wondering what she thought of my looks. She laughed, we exchanged numbers.

We had pizza for dinner one day and I bought her a stuffed animal, and she started talking about her boyfriend.

“Isn’t this a date?” I forwardly asked, though trying not to come across as resentful.

“Um…”

I never did get a goodbye kiss from her.

I tried to stay friends with her.

Somehow, her number got lost as I upgraded phones throughout the seasons and I no longer have her contact info. It would be nice to know what she’s up to. Just to be friends on Wechat, see her posts occasionally, not bug her all the time or anything.

Josephine, are you out there?

 

Seline

Probably the most drama I had in my entire Guangzhou era was with Seline.

Now, I met her indirectly through Couchsurfing. But let me assure you that I never ever use the crucial travel-and-networking website as a hookup thing. That is strictly against my code. This was the only time I kinda-sorta broke that code.

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Toyshelf

Continuing with my geek out – see first post about casual gaming – I’d like to share my humble toy collection.

After a recent move, it was very important for me to get a new bookshelf to organize my toys. Not that I play with them, I’m a grownup, it’s just my version of decorations. To each their own, right?

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Where to start: Classic nime characters, nostalgic transforming robots of our youth, cute stuffed-iness… I only wish I had more. One day I shall complete my collection, one day.

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Film Review: The Wind Rises

My review of Hayao Miyazaki’s final film, the Wind Rises

Written for Shenzhen Daily, screening in Hong Kong

http://szdaily.sznews.com/html/2014-01/03/content_2743272.htm

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WHEN legendary Japanese animation director Hayao Miyazaki announced his retirement earlier this year, his latest film “The Wind Rises” took on a new meaning and received scrutiny as his swan song.

It’s a beautiful, almost flawless film. But the realistic style is a bit of a departure for the director. Unlike the more fantastical films for which he is most famous, such as “Spirited Away,” there are no mythical creatures in “The Wind Rises.” It lacks the environmental messages of “Princess Mononoke” and “Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind,” and it’s very much a film geared towards adults, without the childish wonder of “My Neighbor Totoro” and “Kiki’s Delivery Service.”

On its own merits, it is an excellent film. A biopic of early Japanese airplane engineer Jiro Horikoshi, “The Wind Rises” may not always be historically accurate but never fails to make the audience care deeply about the lead character. If it was live-action it would surely be taken seriously by all critics. But as a Miyazaki film, it must be compared to his other masterpieces, and even if it’s not his best, it’s still a quality story with far more heart than the vast majority of animation coming out of Japan or America or anywhere else.

The tale opens within the childhood dreams of the young engineer, and the various dream sequences are among the loveliest animation visuals ever seen — and noticeably without the use of computer-generated effects. Dreams play an important role throughout the story, as Jiro Horikoshi repeatedly goes back to the same mystical land of not-yet-possible flying machines and even meets his idol, Italian engineer Giovanni Caproni. It is left unclear as to whether there is something supernatural going on or if it’s only in his imagination. The greater point is that everyone should embrace their dreams.

The boy soon becomes a man, and on a train ride to his university in Tokyo he experiences the devastating violence of the Great Kanto Earthquake of 1923. The scene is powerful, sometimes beautiful and sometimes terrifying, as the landscape bends and curves into impossible shapes. The sound effects are all done by human voices and it’s very jarring to hear such a unique style rarely heard in film.

Eventually Horikoshi rises to the top of his engineering firm, falls into a tragic love as his wife slowly dies of tuberculosis, and designs planes for the military. The film has courted controversy in certain ways; there is ample smoking, which some critics have said is not appropriate for child viewers. More importantly, others question why Miyazaki has apparently made a film that seems to promote the era of Japanese militarism.

But it’s not that simple. Miyazaki is known to have a pacifist stance and has repeatedly promoted peace and cultural exchange with his Japan’s neighbors. In July, on the topic of the Abe Administration and nationalist politics, he was quoted as saying: “Changing the constitution is completely unthinkable.”

In fact, his entire film expresses a great sense of inner conflict over his nation’s evolving identity. There was a rush for development at the time as the recently opened-up country tried to catch up with the Western powers, by means of advancing their military technology. The engineers in the film constantly take note of this unfortunate state of affairs. Yet Horikoshi’s character is a peaceful man who stands up to bullying and always takes care of the weak.

In one scene, he meets a kind German man who insists that Hitler’s Germany is run by thugs and will “blow up,” and then Japan itself will “blow up.” In another scene, the main character must hide from the secret police as they arbitrarily arrest innocent citizens. Most poignant of all, during one meaningful dream sequence Caproni specifically states: “Airplanes are not tools for war. They are not for making money. Airplanes are beautiful dreams.”

“The Wind Rises” is not a story about a simpler time. Japanese fascism is an inescapable backdrop to the period and the horrors of World War II in the Pacific region are always looming. While the central character’s arc is most important, the setting cannot be forgotten. “The Wind Rises” is ultimately a complex story about tough choices, and about a man who has a dream but must make sacrifices, as he makes compromise after compromise with his ethics, his country and his loving wife.

Miyazaki has said he was inspired to make this film after reading a quote from the real-life Horikoshi: “All I wanted to do was to make something beautiful.”

As for the acting, Hideaki Anno — a much esteemed animator in his own right, mainly noted for the “Evangelion” franchise — voices the lead character. It’s an odd choice. Anno is not particularly known for his voice-acting. But Horikoshi is meant to be an awkward man and stands apart from the people around him, and Anno expresses that well.

Hayao Miyazaki has now retired. His own legacy will live on via Studio Ghibli, which will continue to produce the finest in animated storytelling. Some films will even be directed by Miyazaki’s own son, Gorõ. But Miyazaki himself will never be replaced, and fans shall always miss this master director, who has taken a memorable bow with this final film.

“The Wind Rises” is screening in Hong Kong with Chinese and English subtitles.